awwwwwe
I got this in an email today from my friend Joe, and it was just so nice that I wanted to share it: "With such a blend of a serious conscientiousness of character and soul with a carbonated lighheart frivolity, what young man, disenchanted with the staus quo, could resist you?"
(He was talking about ME).
Awwwwwwwe.
the hands of the pruner
There are days that I feel like I want to be in a job where I am moving and shaking, where there is an obvious need, and I am obviously meeting it. I want to feel like I'm doing something or feel like I'm affecting someone or just FEELING in general.
Then there are days that I long to do nothing more than sit at a table in a coffee shop with a pen and a notebook and watch people as I sip white mochas all day long (ok, maybe just one white mocha, then regular coffee ... otherwise I would have quite the tummyache). I would sip, watch, and write ... then think and sip again and write some more. It would be a day filled with words and faces, and I wouldn't want to get up from my chair lest I miss a moment of it.
This morning really felt like a day that would fit well into the second category. I woke up to gray skies, and I just felt completely wiped out for some reason. I couldn't even drag myself out of bed early to pray, so I just laid in bed for about 30 minutes and gazed off through the semi-open window blinds. I didn't sleep, I didn't even close my eyes ... I just stared off into the distance, hoping that if I stayed there long enough the day would pass me by without notice.
Finally, I faced the inevitable and pulled myself out of bed. I stumbled through the morning, consuming coffee like it was going out of style (does that phrase even make sense?). I had pretty much written the day off as a big "eh" when I was asked to stop my work in the office and instead go to the greenhouse to work on some plants.
For the four following hours I pruned plants. That may sound incredibly tedious or mind-numbing to you, but to me it was wonderful. As I snipped away at flowers and leaves, I felt God's presence more strongly than I have in a while. I heard His voice in the chirping of the birds that somehow snuck into the greenhouse. I smelled His fragrance in the strong aroma that surrounded me as I snipped back leaves off the mint plants. And as I examined the tiny blossoms of the flowers between my fingers, I saw the awesome masterwork of His plan. It all blended together in a way that made me smile. I think I probably scared off at least a couple nursery customers today, as I grinned and pruned and trimmed and chuckled. But it was just all so perfectly orchestrated with the thoughts that have been running through this head of mine.
When I first got out to the greenhouse and began my pruning, I was holding back so much. The first plants I pruned were exploding with pretty blue flowers. They were beautiful, and I almost winced as I sliced through the stems with my pruning shears. But I knew that they had to be trimmed and cleaned up. The old beauty had to be removed so that a new, greater beauty could come through. To just look at the flowers, I would have thought they were fine. But because of my small amount of plant knowledge (and also because my boss told me to), I knew that I had to trim the plants down so that they could grow thicker and with more blooms. When I stepped back from a finished flat of flowers, I couldn't help but feel a little sad to see that all of the pretty blue flowers were gone. In their place sat a flat of simple green stems with some leaves. I had to remind myself that the end result will be worth it.
You can probably see where I'm going with this. The last few months of my life have found me in the hands of the Master Gardener. He has been pruning away the branches and flowers in my life. For a while I had thought it was pretty enough that it could just stay that way. But He knows that the end result is worth it all, and He trims and prunes as He sees fit (with hands much more careful than mine were today). The flowers are beginning to grow back now, and my life is taking a new shape. It has been hard (and not so pretty), but it has been good. And I look forward to the end result that only He knows.
things as they are
I have lots things to say and write. But I am just not feeling like saying them or writing them right now. And even what I'm going to write is probably full of bad grammar and choppy sentences ... sorry, that's just the way my mind is working right now.
I drove through a thunderstorm tonight after church. As I was driving towards it, in the quiet refuge of my car, I watched in front of me as brilliant jagged lines of white cut across the sky. It was beautiful and breathtaking, and I felt very small and powerless. But as I prayed out loud, I began to feel very safe and secure in the knowledge that the One who holds my life and my heart is the same One who created such awe-inspiring sights.
I kept driving toward the lightning, and soon I was in the heart of the storm. When I arrived at my destination (Caribou Coffee = coffee haven), I made a dash from my car and got completely soaked in the sudden downpour. But it was wonderful. I was tempted to stand outside and play in the rain, but I wanted coffee way too badly to do that. Anyway, it has been a while since I have experienced a good thunderstorm, and it was the perfect ending to a good day.
I will write more about my new location (North Carolina) soon. For now I'll just say that I can't imagine being anywhere else right now. It just feels so right ... more right I think than any other part of my life as of yet. So it's good. There have been some tough moments, but through it all God seems to be showing me that this is exactly where He wants me to be right now, and I'm happy with the thought that perhaps my choices are pleasing and glorifying Him.
I was just looking through my quote notebook and came across this one from one of Amy Carmichael's books. Her words pierce through my heart every time I read them, even if only moments have passed since I just read them.
" ... singing hymns from a distance will never save souls. By God's grace, coming and giving and praying will. Are we prepared for this? Or would we rather sing? Searcher of hearts, turn thy search-light upon us! Are we coming, giving, praying till it hurts? Are we praying, yea agonizing in prayer? Or is prayer but a 'pleasant exercise' -- a holy relief for our feelings?"
revenge of the ... who?
Ok, so I know I need to write a real post, but I have
Bob the Builder and
Brother Bear on the brain right now, and I need to go walk down the street in the few minutes to meet a little girl at the bus stop, so I'm taking the easy way out and posting a quiz I just took (yes, I have time to take a silly quiz but not to post anything really meaningful). It's Dave's fault, he had it on his blog.
I really thought I was a nerd. Guess not, or maybe I'm just really good at hiding it.
