the strength of weakness
It was a Jeep-driving, star-gazing, enough of a wonderful chill to have the heat blowing on my feet kind of day (and night). I started the day with my traditional Saturday fare of pancakes, and indulged in some lazy morning time in my pj's. Then I went to see one of my clients, and took him for his very first Jeep ride, an occasion celebrated by a trip to (where else?) McDonald's. So much for working with him on his goal of eating healthy.This evening I went to church. It is very telling and encouraging to me that I feel a sense of rest and relief when I walk through the doors of that building. The message tonight was good, although I couldn't tell you exactly what it was about. I latched on to one particular thing that Pastor Josiah said, and I mulled it over in my mind for the rest of the service.
He told a story of the very first church that he pastored, and the prideful, over-confident, fresh-from-seminary graduate that he was. Shortly after he moved to town and took lead of the church, he found himself in a situation with a member of the community in which he had absolutely no idea of what to do. He thought seminary had prepared him well, but as he approached this situation in a helping capacity he realized that he had no knowledge or experience on which to rely. He found himself praying to God - a very simple, humble prayer in which he kept repeating the words, "Help, God. Please help." He was so overwhelmed by the greatness of the need, and his inability to meet it, that he was unable to formulate any other words. His story ended on a positive note. God must have heard his plea and He did help.
The simplicity of that prayer lingered in my mind for the rest of the service and the entire ride home through the dark mountains. Part of the way home, I pulled off the road and parked along the river. I found a big rock, laid down, and gazed up at the stars, and contemplated the ingenuity of that four word prayer. I reflected on my own life, and realized that so many times I try to do things on my own when I have no idea of what I'm doing, and no right to try to pretend that I know anything. I see it my work, in relationships, and especially in my walk with God.
It's so silly, really. I think sometimes I try to impress God with my deep thoughts or complex ponderings. As if the Creator of my Soul can't see through the smartly-fashioned soliloquy to the desperate, pleading cry for help. I do the same thing with other people. I feel a need to have it all "together." I take pride in being independent and in getting things done, and I only ask for help as an absolute last resort. In doing this, I am doing a great disservice - to others, but even more to myself. I am missing out on the joy of watching and being a part of God doing something incredible, maybe even through me. And I am missing out on the feeling of fellowship that comes by allowing someone else to come alongside me and help me.
This all seems pretty basic, right? And it is all a lesson that I would easily share with my clients, when giving them guidance on their own lives and things that they can do. And yet, I continue to push myself and try to figure things out on my own, while the whole time God is watching and waiting for me to just ask Him to do what He longs to do: love me by helping me.
Tonight my prayer looks something like this, "Help, God. Please help. Help me push these thoughts away for another day, so that I can get some sleep tonight."
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home