a little scratchin' goes a long way
I was just stretching after a run, and both of my dogs decided they needed my attention and strategically placed themselves near my legs ... so my stretch time was a combination of stretching my muscles and scratching their bellies. And their backs. And around their ears. They love being scratched. I wonder how much of it is my ability to scratch, and their desire for any kind of attention.Hm, I like my dogs a lot. I can't imagine what relaxing would look like without them. And I need to relax.
The past few days have been strange, but also good. Yesterday I went back to the town where I used to live. It was strange to be back there, to walk the streets of my old neighborhood, and especially to visit my friends at the rest home. There are so many memories in that place, so much information, so many shortcuts I learned (mostly by getting lost), and it makes me a little bit sad to think that all of that is now filed in the "not really too useful anymore" spot in my head.
I am discovering that my life is becoming a bit of a series of those kind of moments. Does everyone have a collection of library cards in their wallet, from several different counties? I catch myself still using some of them, so I hesitate to cancel them just in case.
I think back over the past several years and I am amazed at where I have been and who I have become. Last year at this time I was stepping up to some CRAZY stuff that even now seems like a movie of someone else's life. I am intrigued by the idea of where I might be in a year from now.
Yesterday, after hiking , looking at water, and getting eaten by bugs at a park near my old town, we went out to eat. Our waiter was super-likable, but also super-quirky. And I was reminded again of how much I enjoy people, and how grateful I am for the ability to communicate and engage and become a part of someone else's story, even if it's just for an hour while he serves me pizza and salad and some really corny jokes.
Today provided several more reminders of why I do what I do, and why I know that I will never be happy living in a house in the woods and spending all my time reading or painting pictures of trees and mountains. I spent time with several clients today, and I was able to participate in a group therapy session with one girl. I have had inclinations toward what I want to do after I finish my degree, but today provided more clarity. The therapy session was incredible, and I think I wasn't alone in being disappointed when it ended. The kids' responses rendered me speechless a couple times, and I had to turn my face more than once - to hide a smile, and also to hide tears.
I left the group home with my mind buzzing, and then went to meet another client for the first time. She is 13, and a girly-girl ... so we ended up going to the mall to walk around and talk. I admit, it's probably the coolest mall I've ever been to, but I still don't really like it too much. Anyway, while there I was able to observe lots of kids with their families and was struck by the similarity of those kids to the kids I work with. Take away the mom and screaming little sister, and swap the designer Gap Kids clothes with group home hand-me-down's ... and these kids act and talk the same as the kids who I visit and engage in "therapeutic activities."
I have lots and lots of ideas in my head. The run tonight helped some of them to settle, the dog-scratching session took care of some more ... but I have a hunch that some of these thoughts and feelings will never resolve. There is pain and injustice in the world, and I can't make it disappear: in my head, or in the lives of these kids and others like them. But dang it, I refuse to look back at the end of it all and wonder if I could have done more.
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