my wrinkly time
Today I made a 10-year-old girl cry. And then, five minutes later, I made her laugh uncontrollably.An explanation for reaction # 1: today I started telling my clients about my new position. The tender-hearted, constantly smiling little girl teared up; the "I'm too tough to show emotions" 14-year-old boy looked out the window and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the hour drive back to his foster home. I am really not looking forward to talking to the other kids.
The cause for reaction #2: today Hannah and I started listening to "A Wrinkle in Time" together in my car. We went to the library today, and she picked it out on her own (probably because she has gotten tired of me ranting and raving about what a great book it is). If you have never read that book, YOU NEED TO. It's technically a children's book, but it's great for anyone. The author (Madeline L'Engle) even covers this in her preface, where she laments about how all too often adults lock up the doors to their minds and don't allow magic and imagination in any longer.
I am a bit torn about this new position. I know that my heart is really with kids who have no real family, so I know I'll love what I do ... but I have started to grow close to some of these kids and their families, and there is something I very much enjoy about being the change agent for an entire family, and not just a child.
Ah well, my heart is alive in this work, no matter what avenue it takes.
Another thing I will miss is the incentives that I have started with these kids. I recently developed a reading program for them, sort of in partnership with the local library. If they read a certain number of books within a certain amount of time, the library will give them exciting prizes like stickers and bookmarks. I will give them lots of hugs and high-fives, and let them name a meal of their choosing. The catch is that they will eat the meal with me, we will talk about books while we eat, and the food will be consumed beside one of the many local waterfalls that I have come to enjoy. Last week one of my kids made it to the "dinner" stage ... lucky for me, he has cheap taste. I was ready to head home and whip up some gourmet fare and try to figure out how to transport it along a 1.5 mile trail to the waterfalls ... but all he wanted was deli sandwiches, chips, and homemade brownies.
I will miss this stuff, but I embrace a new challenge: instead of helping these kids adjust to the world around them, I face the task of bringing the world in to kids. My new clients will, for the most part, be in residential facilities, some locked. They have no involvement with their parents and for the most part are just waiting to turn 18 and do something different with their lives. So I will visit them and talk with them on the phone, and try to help them develop clear goals and plans for the life that awaits them after they leave the facility, and also to improve the quality of the lives they lead now.
Like I said, it will be tough, but I am jumping in with both feet. Lately I haven't been able to shake thoughts of my friends from the rest home that I still visit once a month. In so many ways, my new clients remind me of those folks. For the most part, the world has written these people off as "unproductive" members of society, and pushed them into a forgotten, drab-colored corner. I enter into their worlds, knowing that they have countless lessons to teach me and invaluable knowledge to impart ... and a very big part of me wonders what I could ever offer to them. These tests, these challenges and questions, these uncomfortable moments - these are where I discover the best part of myself. I can't wait.
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