confession of a nerd
I just got my grade back for my first graduate-level research paper.
I got a 97%. And, to quote my professor, "
I know you will be writing articles for some psychological magazine or the AACC journals soon!"I guess I sort of can't deny it anymore.
I'm a nerd.
And I sort of like it.
stimulating conversations ... with myself
I got home from work today, just bursting to talk with someone. It was a life-changing day. A day that I really
felt my job, and knew that (in those moments) I was exactly where I was supposed to be. My eyes welled up with tears a few different times today ... because of work ... and they were tears of compassion and empathy, NOT the tears of frustration that I have now and again cried over interactions with co-workers.
But I came home and there was not a person here to talk to. It would have been a good day to ask someone to lay on the couch with me and hold me for a few minutes while I cried out the tears that had somehow stayed trapped inside while I was at work. I wanted someone to listen to me and tell me that I was right to cry, and to be my ally as I spilled out my frustrations with uncaring adults who don't deserve to be parents. Most of all, I wanted to be understood.
But there was no one here to hold me or to understand me. Sometimes though, I almost think that my dogs "get me" more than another person will ever be able. They know that the times when I push them away the most are the times that I desperately need to be knocked onto my back with kisses and grossed out with stinky dog breath. And that's what they did today. At the end of the lick-fest I took them outside for a long, long walk.
We walked further than we have walked in quite a while. As I was serenaded by the eclectic blend of music drifting through various open screen doors and waved to by kids riding their bikes in driveways, I realized that somehow I felt as if I was being understood. There were people around me who, in the very moment that my hand was raised to wave hello, were feeling joy and pain and perhaps even unimaginable grief. I was not alone in my
feeling, or in my
being. Little children smiled and giggled at my dogs, and several old men watched
anticipatorily for the opportunity to yell at me to pick up after my dogs ... and it all felt wonderful and somehow fit together to perfectly meet my unspoken need in that moment.
And somehow, through those smiles and looks of recognition and even the glares, I had conversations. Lots and lots of conversations, with other people and also with myself. At the end of it all, I walked into my house and laid on my couch and
felt the words for which I had been yearning just hours earlier.
to my peeps
Today I discovered that there were 20-something or so comments hiding on my blog, waiting for me to "approve" them before they appeared. I was a little surprised, and a whole lot flattered, to read the many words of encouragement from some of my blog readers.
Maybe you've stopped reading because I stink at writing. Or maybe you've stopped reading because you felt like your comments were not appreciated. But thank you anyway, even if you never read this ... Dave, Ryan, Doug, Sean, Darce, Stace, and Krista (another Krista - I'm not that
vainglorious) ... you all are nice folks.
lead, follow, or ... lead
I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking lately about leadership, and about what that looks like when it is done well.
The title of this post is sort of a joke (albeit maybe not a funny one) - the phrase actually goes something like, "lead, follow, or get out of the way." But getting out of the way doesn't seem like an option to me. So the choice is really between leading or following, since following is basically getting out of the way of those who have the guts to take the lead.
This morning, I read the following words, written by Nancy Ortberg, and I like 'em. A lot.
When people are led well, not only do they accomplish great things, but they become better people in the process.
Work is a sacred trust and there are a few things you can do to treat it as such in your role as a leader:
1. Yourself. I first heard the concept of “self-leadership” when I was on staff at a church. Here’s the main idea: You are responsible for carving out a life that has a rhythm that renews you. It is not anybody else’s job. As a leader you take responsibility for your own self-renewal which includes things like reading, planning alone time to do thinking and processing, and maintaining a schedule that allows you to keep your promises, which is one of the key jobs of a leader. Self-leadership will not only increase your leadership capacity and skills but will also work to prevent burnout.
2. Others. Leadership is the promise of development. People need three things to grow: opportunities, challenges, and relationship. It is your job as a leader to be sure, over time, that your people are getting all three. They need opportunities to use their abilities to make a difference, challenges that stretch them without breaking them, and relationships in which they are known and celebrated and told the truth about themselves.
3. The Organization. Organizations—not just individual people—are important. Organizations, as a collection of people, allow us to accomplish things we could not do on our own. As a leader it is your responsibility to make sure that meetings are compelling, that they are places where collaborative (not consensus, which Patrick Lencioni defines as “mutually agreed upon mediocrity”) decisions are processed and made, a place where goals are set and people are held accountable for those, where short-term and long-term gains are celebrated and lack of success is autopsied and learned from.
Leadership is a sacred trust.