in the fury of the moment

a post script

I have been working and thinking, and still trying to absorb the idea of real joy. And there's something that bothers me. It seems like we (as Christians) assume that God owes us happiness and fulfillment. We have our ideas of how He will provide that, but it seems like a strong current with people I know right now is love and marriage. Maybe I have the desire to be married. God has given me this desire, right? I mean, look at Genesis 2:18. God Himself says that it's not good for man to be alone. The implication is obviously then that it's not good for woman to be alone either, since she was created to be a helper suitable for man. It is part of the way we were designed -- we should desire companionship with the opposite sex. It should make us happy to think about that.

But there must be a balance. I recognize that I have that desire, I accept that desire, I understand it, but I will not allow it to control me. I am willing to allow God to direct my life in either direction (married or single). I yield control of my life to Him, realizing that my agenda or my ideas of what I want are irrelevant. This doesn't mean that desire goes away, but it means that it will not consume me. I will not allow it to become an idol. I yield to the truth of Matthew 6:33, where I am told that if I seek first His kingdom and righteousness, then He will give me what I need ... and He knows what I need better than I do. He created me.

If I am really seeking Him first, He is number one in my thinking, in my planning, in my priorities, and my desires. Yes, of course, I have moments where that desire is strong ... so strong that it hurts. But the test then is where I go with that desire. Do I give it back to God? Or do I pursue my own means that I think will satisfy it?

The point is that Jesus is the only One who is capable of meeting my needs. That's the way God intended it to be. My intricate and complicated design is such that I cannot be completely satisfied with anyone or anything except Jesus. He's perfect, there's no way He can disappoint me. He will never leave me or forsake me ... no one else can promise me that. He alone has the power to be everything I will ever need, and that's exactly what He is promises to be.

The wonderful thing is that anyone can know this completeness and this joy, regardless of circumstances ... anyone can know Jesus. If God had designed us differently, it wouldn't be fair at all -- some people would be left out. Since Jesus is the ONLY One who fills up the emptiness inside us, anyone who wants to be filled can and WILL be when he allows Jesus to be that joy and life.

Joy and peace and contentment are what God promises us. Sometimes when we have these, we're happy and we feel fulfilled -- but sometimes we're not happy, and we don't feel that fulfillment. So if I have that desire to be married, and I think it will help me feel happy and fulfilled ... well, there are no guarantees there -- of God allowing me to be married, OR of being happy and/or fulfilled. But there is the guarantee of having peace and joy and contentment that abides, regardless of whether circumstances are "happy" or not.

This is what the LORD says -- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.
If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea."
-- Isaiah 48:17-18

I think I know what will make me happy ... but ultimately God knows better. I need to trust Him more, and trust that He knows what is good for me. He has plans to give me hope and a future. I still hold to that notion that we limit God so much. I have the feeling that I have missed out on some blessings because I have tried to get God to act on my terms, instead of realizing that maybe He has a better idea. I need to trust him in EVERY SINGLE area of my life. In order to trust Him more, I need to know Him more. The more I trust Him, the less I will worry. And if I have less worry in my life, there will be more room for contentment and joy and being filled with the fullness of Christ.

I was talking to a friend of mine last week (the "I Will Survive" friend, who fortunately doesn't read my blog -- at least not that I know of!), and she was telling me that she feels so lonely now that's she's not dating ____ anymore. I reminded her that just because she is ALONE, she doesn't have to feel LONELY. I think sometimes we assume these have to go together, and we're wrong. I actually really like being alone -- it is my chance to recharge and refocus, and to just enjoy being in the presence of God. But we all have that basic need for some form of companionship. I read somewhere once that "loneliness is an attitude, aloneness is a circumstance." I think that's pretty accurate. I think a lot of people are afraid of being alone, because they automatically feel that they're lonely. They haven't yet learned how refreshing and valuable that alone time can be.

I know SO many people who equate aloneness with loneliness, and then decide that the way to cure the loneliness (which they are choosing to feel) is to get into a relationship with someone. WRONG! I truly believe that Satan spots these things in our lives and then twists them around to distract us from God. He uses those lonely feelings to make us feel desperate. And you know that when we're desperate, we don't act rationally. When you aren't thinking or acting rationally, you'll settle for something less than what will truly satisfy.

I have learned that God uses my feelings to take my eyes off of myself onto others. When I'm feeling a little bit sad, or even a little bit happy, it would be so easy to go to God and ask, "What can You do for me with this?" ... but I have found that it is so much more fulfilling when I ask "How can You use this to help me meet someone else's need?" Through this process, I see that is how I want to approach any relationships in my life, whether it be my interactions with the teller at the bank, or a relationship with a man I hope to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life. Instead of having the mindset of "What can you do for ME?", I choose to ask "How can I meet YOUR needs and help YOU?" As I focus on giving instead of receiving, I find that God gives me more than I could ever hope or imagine possible.

There is a word that has been on my heart today, when I consider people, and relationships, and life: expectant. I am stepping forward and asking God to help me today (and tomorrow, and the day after that) to open my eyes to people and opportunities to pursue, to give me the boldness to act, and to hope that those people are open as well. I'm not talking about romantic relationships, I'm talking about relationships in general. At my age (28), it seems like it's even awkward to try to initiate a friendship with a female. The last person I gave my digits to was a customer who I got to know through the bakery/coffee shop where I worked. We had talked pretty much every day for the three months I worked there, and we had all kinds of things in common. And she liked dogs and trucks! I thought she had definite friend potential. I think I weirded her out. She never called.

As I put my heart on my sleeve and open myself up to risk, I find that I am getting closer to what it's all about in the first place. It's what, as Christians, we should crave and recognize as essential to living an abundant life: authentic community.

posted by Krista @ 12:23 PM