stones turned to pearls
The past two nights, I have found myself laying on the ground and looking up at the stars ... both nights I began with tears in my eyes but ended with a smile in my soul. I am being reminded lately of how many choices we really do have in life. I think sometimes we limit ourselves, and I know that we absolutely limit God, by our ideas of what we think our life is about.We are swimming in the ocean of life, basking in the sunshine and enjoying the feel of the water against our skin, when our eyes catch a glimpse of a beautiful pearl on the ocean floor. Our vision locks on this object, and we decide THAT is what we must chase after. The shimmer of that breathtaking object beckons us, and we forget how much we enjoy playing in the waves or feeling the warmth of the sun against our bodies. We have a new purpose. We gather as much air as we can into our lungs, and we plunge into the depths of the unknown, pushing with all our might toward what we think will satisfy. We take no notice of the spectacular coral reefs all around us, or the awe-inspiring display of God's creativity in the vividly colored fish that dart to and fro. We rush past one natural wonder after another, in pursuit of our new goal. We find ourselves swimming and swimming, and yet the pearl is still out of reach. It seems that it was further away than we thought. Soon we find we are running out of air, but, driven by the chase, we press on. Just as we begin to feel hopeless, we reach the ocean floor and find -- to our dismay -- that the thing that we thought was a beautiful pearl is actually just a shiny stone. Yes, it's still pretty, but it's not what we were chasing after. It's not what we thought we wanted. Discouraged and exhausted, we swim back up to the surface, our fatigue causing us to remain oblivious to the spectacular coral reefs and the vividly colored fish.
Somehow in the time that we were chasing after that "pearl", the sun has gone down. The once still water is now choppy and cold. What could have been a wonderful day in the ocean was lost because we thought we had the best idea of how to spend our time and energy. We pinned our hopes on that lovely pearl, thinking that it would bring the happiness that we felt that day was missing. Surely it wouldn't have caught our eye if it wasn't meant to be ours. But now, what do we have to show for it? A stone, a tired body, a defeated heart, missed opportunities to enjoy the beauty around us ...
Was the day really lost though? Our tired and shriveled hands now hold the object of our desire. As we look at it, we see that it is NOT a precious pearl ... but it IS a beautiful stone. It may not be what we were originally after, but somehow this otherwise plain object has a new value. We sacrificed to get it, and now it is ours. It is up to us what to do with this "treasure". We can throw it back in the ocean and basically shout to the endless ocean that all our efforts were in vain. Or we can recognize it for the beautiful thing that it has become to us.
In every single step of our lives, we have a choice. We may not be able to control whether the "pearls" of our lives are what we thought they originally were. We cannot necessarily go back and enjoy all the scenery that we missed in our pursuit of what we thought we wanted. But we can hold those stones in our hands and allow our eyes to see them for what they are. If the "stone" in my life is happiness turned to sadness, I can turn the object over in my hands and realize that I felt more alive while chasing that stone than I had in quite a while. I can find satisfaction in knowing that I set a goal and reached it, even if the goal isn't what I thought it was. The "stone" in my life can be anything ... and there is not much I can do to change those "stones" into "pearls". But I can change how I see those stones, and I do have the choice of what to do with them once I am holding on to them.
It seems like the temptation is to throw those stones back, once we realize that they weren't the pearls we thought they were. We may feel sorry for ourselves and regret that we wasted a beautiful day. But I don't think that's the way God wants us to live. When we do that, when we rise to the surface and look at that stone and feel disappointed enough to throw it back in the ocean (perhaps for us even to chase after on another beautiful day, and repeat the same exhausting process yet again) ... we are limiting God. We are limiting what God can do with that stone in our hands.
Last night as I gazed up at the vast expanse of darkness dotted with diamonds of light, I felt an aching. I felt a longing that I didn't recognize. Is it possible to be homesick for a place that I have never been to? Is there any way I can be lonely for Someone I have never touched or seen? Oh, it would be so easy to identify that aching and that loneliness as the need for a person, or a place. If only I was in ______, I would feel so much more at home. If only _____ was beside me right now, I wouldn't feel this irregularity in the beating of my heart. But I know better. I know MORE. I know that so many of the pearls that I have swam after have turned out to be stones. Still, I am given the choice. I refuse to throw those stones back in the ocean and go home and pout. So I clamber onto the shore, I dry off, I go home and place that beautiful stone next to the others. I step back and survey my collection and realize that the newest stone fits in perfectly -- the color and shape are exceptionally complementary to the rest of my stones. Together they blend to create an awe-inspiring masterpiece ... the landscape of my life. And honestly, I would have it no other way.
The sparkle of the stars and the songs of the whipporwills called out to my soul last night. They woke something inside of me that has long been slumbering ... it is a longing for more than this world can ever hope to satisfy. It the knowledge that the One who created the ocean, the pearls, and the stones ... He created them for my enjoyment, and also to show me, again and again, of the choices I have. Today is another beautiful day out on the ocean, and today my gaze fixes on the majestic coral reefs around me. Tomorrow I have a feeling that I may spot another pearl on the ocean floor. Regardless of what I pursue, I will enjoy my time in this ocean. I will relish in the strength of my legs as I kick against the powerful current. I will admire my strong tan arms as they paddle through the beautiful blue water. I will feel the power of my young lungs, full of breath as I plunge deep into the water again and again. And I will bask in the warmth of the sunshine as I thank the One who has placed me here.
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