I just started a new book
on relationships, and here is an excerpt:... The single woman is excessively utilitarian, and auto-determining; she defines her relationships, her circumstances, and her future, according to her desires. The "other" only comes into the picture insofar as that person is useful to her. She spends her time resenting what she does not have, especially the lack of an intimate relationship, even though she bases her identity on that very lack. Her identity is about what she hasn't got (a boyfriend or a husband), not who she is.
I am so, so, so happy that I can say that the second "type" of woman more accurately describes me. The author clarifies that these terms (or ideas) apply to both men and women ... but - since she is a woman - she uses herself as an example over and over again, and thus it makes more sense for her to describe others who are more similar to her (in their female-ness).
A singular woman acts integrally. She chooses to do things because they are good in and of themselves, not because they will serve her immediate interests whether they involve dating and romance, getting a job, or any other desire. She allows herself to actually experience what a situation offers, even if she didn't foresee it. Unlike the single woman, she will go to a party simply to have fun and be with people she enjoys. If she meets someone at the party, it will be all the better. But whether or not she meets someone won't determine the success of the party.
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