check out the kindness on that one
This is really not a profound post at all, but I just need to vent.There is currently a crew of three men at my house, working on my bathroom. They are installing a new window and hopefully working on some other things there. They arrived this morning shortly after I got out of the shower (they had called to let me know they were coming, but I didn’t hear the phone from the shower so wasn’t forewarned). Luckily I had enough time to get dressed, but I was still left the dilemma of not being able to use my bathroom to get ready for work.
As the sole mirror in my house resides in the bathroom, I was not really all that happy about having to come and use the bathroom at work to finish getting ready. But I have learned that I should embrace those rare “good landlord who is actually doing what I request” moments when they come, so I packed up my stuff and strolled into work with wet hair and morning breath. Ok, not total morning breath – I had brushed my teeth, but then I had a second cup of coffee, so I still had that morning/coffee hybrid breath going.
ANYWAY, for some reason these three men seemed to think they were entitled to gawk at and ogle me while I was getting ready for work (as much as I could, anyway, without the use of my bathroom). I am the first to admit that I am not Cindy Crawford and I do not have the body of Paris Hilton (or whoever else you may happen to lust after if you’re a man), but I think I’m in pretty ok-shape. And I am happy with how I look. Today I happened to be wearing a semi-fitted v-neck shirt and some not-so-baggy pants. I am a firm believer in modesty and I would not step out of the house if I looked like a hoochie-mama. But I know this particular outfit shows a little shape … and I just felt like I looked good.
However, in the safety of my home, I was only concerned with how I felt I looked, not the opinions of three rough-looking men who took it upon themselves to watch me stoop to pick over the keys I just dropped. And I – no lie – caught one of them looking at my chest the whole time I talked to him, and also while I was leaning over to grab my dog who was trying to jump on him (I should have just let her jump!).
Arrrrgh, this stuff gets to me. What ever would cause someone to think that they have the right to assess or even look at someone else and their body like that? This happened to me yesterday too, as I was volunteering at a local outreach center. For some reason, it didn’t affect me as much there because I have come to accept it as part of the territory. When I used to go and do homeless outreach (sometimes alone, stubborn girl that I was), I was constantly hearing words and comments and catching looks that made me want to go home and take a 3-hour-long shower just to wash off the “ick” feeling that I had. I have had some of those types of encounters in my job now, as I have made home visits and spoken to fathers who were checking me out even while their wives/girlfriends/baby’s mamas were sitting beside them. Yuck. I don’t accept that stuff, and I have acknowledged that to those men on several occasions.
But it’s a totally different feeling when that same kind of thing is happening in your own home. I know it’s not really an accurate comparison, but I have heard stories of people whose homes have been broken into, and how they feel incredibly violated afterward. And that’s a little bit like how I feel.
Why don’t I hear men talking about this? Where are the strong godly men who will take a stand and tell their slimy brothers that they need to clean up their act, their thoughts, and their words? And why do we, as women, shake our heads or slouch our bodies or give these men the right to treat us as big slabs of meat? Of course, I admit that we as women are not totally the victims here. We have a responsibility to make it more difficult for men to have the opportunities to say crass things. If we showed a little more modesty and a little more class and covered up a little more skin, maybe we would have more of a platform from which to demand that men treat us with respect and dignity. This is going to sound incredibly cold, but I see way too many women advertising themselves and their bodies and then getting upset or offended when men start yelling out prices or trying to make a bargain. If you don’t want men to come at you with their steak knives and their appetites, then don’t hang yourself out there like a big juicy steak.
I have been really convicted lately too of how I look at my brothers. I remember once reading a quote by CS Lewis, and – though I don’t remember the exact wording – I remember the gist of it was that if we really saw each other in the image of Christ, we would fall down and worship God because of the beauty and wonder that are embodied in another person. What a good thing that would be, and what a thing to strive for. Instead of commenting on whether or not a man is “cute” or a girl is “hot”, we would be captivated by how much they reflect Christ’s glory and His splendor. Maybe that’s really what those guys at my house were checking out (ha!) – I would consider it an honor for someone to do a double-take on me just because they wanted to catch another glimpse of patience, kindness, gentless, self-control, grace, or beauty (God’s beauty, not mine!).
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