write by the light of the moon ...
Last night was one of those "ahhhh" moments that I never seem to have enough of anymore. I went to Bible study, and I was sort of in a weird mood ... I just felt off-kilter, I'm not even sure why. So I sort of avoided the usual small talk afterward and hopped in my car ... heading home, or so I thought. As I approached the expressway, I decided I needed to drive. So I went to one of my old favorite spots down by the lake -- probably about 20 minutes away from my apartment. This particular spot is right near a park, and officially the park shuts down at dusk. Well, seeing as it was about 10:15, it was way past dusk. To my surprise, the gates to the lakeside parking lot were open. I pulled into the lot, at first trying my best to keep my headlights from disturbing the people in the parked cars, doing whatever they were doing ... and then fighting the temptation to turn on my high beams, honk the horn, and zoom around the lot to interrupt whatever type of activity was taking place in those dark automobiles.Finally I found a picnic table close to the lake, away from the many trees that fill the park. I had a clear view of the starry sky, and a clear view of the waves lapping gently on the rocks in front of me. For the most part it was peaceful and I felt like I could breathe again. I started praying, and soon my prayers found a melody and turned into a song. I went with it and eventually had an entire song ... just to prove to myself that it really just happened, I all but ran to my car to grab my notebook. There were no lights in the parking lot, so I found my way to a big rock in the middle of the grassy area there ... and I seriously used the light of the moon to see the words as I wrote them on the page.
Here's the song. I know it's completely not from me, but I'm still amazed that God can even somehow give something like this to a big dope like me.
The world's so loud around me,
I find it hard to hear Your voice.
But You're always there, reaching out
Amid the clamor and the noise.
When will I learn to just stop the struggle and the strife?
When will I learn to love You,
When will I learn to give You my life?
Slow me down.
Quiet me.
Help me hear and help me see.
You're the God of ebb and flow,
You're with me wherever I may go.
I grab at empty things,
I try to satisfy myself.
But they always fail,
How can this rubbish compare to Your wealth?
Like the stars in the sky,
You know just where I am.
You have shaped me, You illuminate me,
I'm formed by Your hand.
Slow me down.
Quiet me.
Help me hear and help me see.
You're the God of ebb and flow,
You're with me wherever I may go.
Though the waves crash and the clouds roll in,
Your steady love calms me ... as I cry out again ...
(Slow me down ...)
After all of this came out, I felt so relieved. It was like that "off" feeling that I had all night was finally gone. I felt like I had purged myself of some unidentifiable weight. Or rather, that God had taken that weight from me. Funny thing too, after I prayed some more and just gazed at the stars for a while, I walked back to my car ... just as the park patrol was coming down to kick people out. Talk about God's perfect timing.
The ebb and flow thing came to mind as I watched the waves and thought of a poem/prayer I read once ... "A Prayer to the God of Ebb and Flow," by Thomas Merton. You can find it here: http://www.fsumc.org/lent/0215.html
That's all I have for now. God actually gave me another song this morning -- I don't know what's going on, but I'm not going to get in the way. :) I'll wait to share that one though.
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