her life, it is a-changin'
This past year has seen a lot of changes.Relationship changes, job changes, career aspiration changes, weight changes (increase, not decrease, unfortunately), hair length changes (decrease, and I'm still enjoying it), address changes, heart changes, and perspective changes ... to name a few.
If I'm really honest with myself, I know that I am not someone who does well with change. I enjoy it eventually, but it usually takes me a while to accept it. Usually that acceptance comes in the form of me holding on to the old as long as I can, and finally loosening the grip of my clenched fists. I don't let go because I see the wisdom of releasing the old and embracing the new--I only wish I had learned the truth of that by now. No, usually I finally let go because I get tired of trying to keep things the way they were. So I surrender to the change and unwillingly flow along with the current and eventually I realize that the change in direction is a good one.
But change is good. Sure, sometimes staying in the same place is easier, and definitely a bit safer. But it's not healthy. This morning I pondered this as I lay curled up under my fluffy flannel comforter (courtesy of my grandmother) and tried to ignore my alarm clock for about 30 minutes. It was so nice and warm in my bed. My dogs were curled up next to me. I had found just the right place under the covers that was neither too hot or too cold. I was comfortable. It would have been nice to stay in bed and just hold onto yesterday as long as possible. But the light outside my window and the responsibilities of work beckoned me. As much as I wanted to cling on to the comfort and familiarity of my bed, a new day had arrived, whether I liked it or not. The page had turned--I had fallen off the page of yesterday, and landed full force here in today.
It wasn't even that I wanted to stay in bed because I was worried about what might or might not happen today--I guess I didn't put that much thought into it. It was more about familiarity and comfort. But if I had stayed in bed, I would not have experienced the moments of my life today. There are pieces of today that will never come again. I will cross paths with people who I may never again encounter, even if it's only for just a moment as we wait to cross the street. I will step in a puddle that may not be there tomorrow. The snowflake that falls on my knit cap will never again exist as it did in that moment. Whether I see it or not, there is change happening around me, every minute of every day. Yes, there are some things that remain the same. At the end of the day, I will walk out of the same building and go to the same garage. I'll get into the same car and drive to the same house. But when I get there, I will encounter two dogs who have had days of their own (albeit not very exciting ones, as they were in their crates all day). I will talk to my mom, who has experienced her own moments and seen her own snowflakes and faces of strangers. There is no way to stop the movement of the world around me, as much as sometimes I might want to.
As I stepped out of the garage this morning and looked up at the sky, I thought about how a day is just a smaller representation of this journey of life. There were choices I made on my way to work this morning: choices on which street to take, and which CD to listen to. Small, seemingly insignificant choices, but decisions that set the course of my day. If I had listened to country music instead of worship, I would no doubt be in a different mood and state of mind as I walked into work. I might respond differently to the group of teens I chatted with on the street. I would probably be entertaining completely different thoughts as I climbed up the seven flights of stairs to my office. Our lives are full of choices and options ... some of the choices lead to good, and some lead to bad ... but they are all real, and we must go one way or the other. To stand still is to miss out on living, and in essence eventually to stop living altogether.
There are choices that lay ahead for me, changes that make me a bit sad when I think about them. But I move forward, knowing that He has a plan in all of this, and it is up to me to make choices and really live these moments and these days, trusting that He will guide the current that carries me through this life.
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