the tune of my prayers
I woke up at 2:30 this morning with a song in my head. It's a song that was a favorite of mine when I was in college, and I probably haven't heard it since. I crawled from my bed to the floor beside it, and amazingly those lyrics from eight or nine years ago poured from my heart as I kneeled and savored the sweetness of the silent world around me. After spending some time with my God, I came to my computer and found the song online. Tears flowed freely as I listened and felt a powerful stirring inside of me. I had every intention of going back to bed, but I felt a powerful draw to the Word and also to more of that sweet communion to which I awoke. So, for the next four hours I prayed and sang and cried and smiled and praised and lamented and thanked and questioned ... and at the end of it I crawled into bed and slept the sweetest sleep I have had in a while.Here are the words of that song -- they are true and sweet and real ... but this morning I was reminded that I already AM free. I am free to love, give, feel, hurt, laugh, cry, hug, reach out, run, push ahead, grow, teach, share, and shine this light that He has put inside of me. We make our lives so big, but in reality they are so small. And yet within each of us is the capability to make our puny little existences beautiful. In light of eternity, my life is a short little gasp of air in the midst of a powerful windstorm. And yet, this quick breath, this vapor of time and being - this is what we have to work with. This is what God entrusts us with.
It's SO easy to get wrapped up in what is going on in our lives, and to miss the bigger picture of what will come of our lives in the end. Yesterday, today, tomorrow - these are tiny brushstrokes in a HUGE picture that God has painted and is still painting. But still, these moments are what we have possession of, as much as we can possess them. What a waste to spend our time lamenting over ultimately insignificant losses or rejoicing over temporary gains. I have a feeling God longs for us to fully live each moment of our lives, to feel the richness of the vivid colors, and to savor the sweet fragrance of His grace and mercy flowing through us. He gives us victory and strength and power, not so that we can use it to build up ourselves, but so that we can engage in battles and wars that maybe have nothing at all to do with US. We are His ambassadors - that means we represent Him here on earth. It does me well to remember that, for I have a feeling that God would be living my life a little different than I sometimes do.
Here's the song. The freedom that I feel today pales in comparison to what I will one day enjoy, but still - tt's what my heart is praying today:
The mountains are steep
And the valleys low
Already I'm weary
But I have so far to go
Oh, and sorrow holds my hand
And suffering sings me songs
But when I close my eyes
I know to whom I belong
Who makes me strong
I will be free
I will be free to run the mountains
I will be free
Free to drink from the living fountain
Oh, I'll never turn back
'Cause He waits for me
Oh, I will be free
A wise man, a rich man
In pauper's clothes
A shepherd to lead us
Through the land of woes
Though many battles I have lost
So many rivers yet to cross
But when my eyes behold the Son
Who bore my loss, who paid the cost
I will be free
I will be free to run the mountains
I will be free
Free to drink from the living fountain
Oh, I'll never turn back
'Cause He waits for me
Oh, I will be free
Oh, and I'll dance on silver moonlight
And I'll walk through velvet fields
Oh, and I'll run into the arms
The arms that set me free
I will be free
I will be free to run the mountains
I will be free
Free to drink from the living fountain
Oh, I'll never turn back
'Cause He waits....
I'll never turn back
Don't you ever turn back
Because someday, someday we're gonna see
We will be free
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