in the fury of the moment

today

Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known
Can’t live for tomorrow -- tomorrow’s much too long
I burn my eyes out before I get out

I wanted more than life could ever grant
Bored by the chore of saving face

Today is the greatest day I have ever known
Can’t wait for tomorrow -- I might not have that long
I’ll tear my heart out before I get out

Pink ribbon scars that never forget
I’ve tried so hard to cleanse these regrets
My angel wings were bruised and restrained
My belly stings

Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day
That I have ever known

I want to turn you on
I want to turn you round
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever known
-- Smashing Pumpkins

Ok, so maybe that's not the most accurate description of how I'm feeling today. I don't plan on burning my eyes out or tearing my heart out. But still, it's a pretty dang good day. My last day as an editor. At least for now.

It's sort of bittersweet. Yes, I am glad to leave. And yes, it has been a long time coming. Four years is a long time to be anywhere. I am a much different person than the scary-looking 23 year old whose mug is on my ID card. I have learned, and grown, and been stretched, and closed my door so that I could cry tears of frustration, and gotten "spoken to" by my boss. I have mastered the art of slacking and then working my tail off to meet deadlines. But I have also made some good friends. I have learned much about myself (some of which I think I would prefer not knowing).

This time has been valuable in that it has fostered in me the desire to get out from behind a desk and do something, but it has also been valuable in the way that it has shown me that sometimes the most effective doing is simply found in being. Part of my sadness as I prepare to leave is in the regrets I face about not having talked to this person more about this or that person about that, or about stupid things I said or did in moments where I had perfect opportunities to say or do something better. But those moments are gone and can never be recovered. I am left with today -- literally, since it's my last day here. And all I can do is find peace in the fact that the seeds I leave here will be watered by Someone who NEVER says the wrong thing at the wrong time, or takes a joke a little too far, or is just an all-around dork.

There are so many "todays" ahead of me. The key is living in each of those, as I'm in it. And not burning my eyes out.

posted by Krista @ 11:20 AM